I don’t think I have ever performed any good deeds. I admit I’m selfish and I think only of myself … wait that’s the same thing, oh well….
I really don’t cook for my family. I’ve learned through my depression and illnesses that I just don’t have the energy to clean consistently. I rarely do laundry because I hate folding. I minimally take care the families pets. Especially my husband’s dogs who pee and poo all over the floor, and they do their business in any room, and I’m the only one who cleans it up. They refuse to obey and one of them sheds fur coats every day mingling with the pee on the floor.
Even my art suffers because of wrong motivation. I want to sell my artwork to make money. That sounds normal right? but all my pictures get stolen and the other works people want me to give it to them at no cost and at chinese wish prices. I’m a perfectionist and take my time making sure that everything is made with pride and quality.
So with my anger focus on adults. I decided to give my art away to children in 2020. I started in August and thanks be to God, I completed every project and i had a two page list. It was my intention to heap coals on my enemies head. The parents never contacted me to tell me that the children loved these handmade projects that took me a fortune to make. Well that’s not entirely true, I had a couple that did thank me. I actually love making things for children. Children are a blessing.
I ask God why He shuts the door in making money in whatever avenue of art I endevour to make. But I get silence. … I trust He has a plan for me in my life but i’m not ready for it. A more deeper rant… I’m a paranoid schizophrenic with schizoaffective tendencies; I also have ptsd, seasonal effective disorder and I’m crippled in my left knee. Why am I being taken for granted and used. I guess I’m a sucker.
I’ve been stuck in my apartment for 30 years. I laugh at those who have to stay home for a week and having them claim depression because of Carona. Please.. at least your getting checks from Biden . I see people updating their houses, buying new cars, selling their properties to make more money and play the stocks for bitcoin. I had one check given to me and I spent it on sending children in Africa ponchos and shoes. I only have compassion on those who lost jobs in all this chaos.
To see all my artwork I’ll be putting them up in a galleryMalynda or better known as Insu
I have no friends except for my husband and nurses who come to me in the morning to dispense 25 pills for me to take for the day to keep me somewhat normal. Just when I make friends with the regular nurse the company switches them over to another route and I never see them again.
My children are not saved. They want nothing to do with God. That’s a heartache for me because I told God in one of my psychosis .. send to me to hell if my children are not saved when He returns. I don’t want my children to go through the pain alone. I guess I’m to blame for that. I never really witnessed to my children because I wanted them to be happy. That backfired. Again I say sorry Lord.
One day 3 years ago
I met this man from Masaka Uganda begging for some money to feed the children that he took in from the streets. They only eat magots and old food. He just kept getting children left to right. I calculated the exchange rate and for 200 I can feed and clothe 14 children every month. At first I didn’t believe him. I thought he was another scam artist until I told him what to do with the money. He faithfully showed me pictures of the blessings. And they thank me constantly for giving them food and Jesus. I never preached to these children but Abduh does.
I started this web blog
for him but I’m confuse thanks to my mental illness. I try my best though. A month ago my husband and I went to a different church. I mentioned to the pastor that I need help. Mind you this is a very small church of 10 persons attending but he said the church of God African division would take care of him and his orphanage. He also commited to pay for the children’s food month to month.
Now there was a family consisting of a widow and 9 children. I told Abduh to hire her to help the children like making the food, washing their clothes and so forth. She need to be under Abduh’s shelter because her shack was destroyed. I’m paying for her wages. Mind you I only get 600 from my husband.. Thats all he can give me once a month because we are poor.
Never forget where you’re blessings come from, God! You have friends, You may have a house, two cars, more than enough clothes and shoes, steaks on the dinner table. If I can budget 600 a month think of how many children you can help with the money you receive. I am not asking for a handout. I’m asking you to purchase my art to send to the children that Abduh boarding.
Wait… didn’t I say I was selfish. All I can say is that God is working in me. Maybe you’re like me. Do something about it and pray fervently. He will work in you too. Amen! Amen!